Full Circle Fridays|Week 9: I.F.S.

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Straight from the IFS Institute itself, “Internal Family Systems is a powerfully transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy… IFS is a movement. A new, empowering paradigm for understanding and harmonizing the mind and, thereby, larger human systems. One that can help people heal and helps the world become a more compassionate place.” IFS was developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz just a few decades ago. In that short time, this model of therapy has revolutionized the lives of many trauma survivors. The basis of this model comes from the belief that all parts within each human have a positive purpose and intention, no matter the way they present to the human and the world as a whole. Before we go any further, let’s discuss what I just meant by “all the parts”.

Firstly, IFS identifies the Self as a whole, healed person. Your true Self, that authentic Self that I’m always going on and on about. The Self is not the watcher or observer the way that some meditation-based models explain it. The Self is the one who the watcher watches. The Self, the Seat of Consciousness as you may know it, is you. You can know you are operating as a Self-led being when you are experiencing the 8 C’s that IFS uses: confidence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness. When those 8 C’s are harmonized and working together, you would say you in your true Self. This is often described as feeling “Centered” — which is probably one of my favorite C words.

Next, the parts come into play. The IFS model is often called “parts work” when you are doing therapy literally working with your parts.

The Exiles are the (often) child-aged parts that have been isolated from the system due to trauma or abuse, which are shunned, shamed, feared, or guilted into exile. Exiles are the parts that are least heard, but that are one who want to be heard the most. Because Exiles are traumatized and often silenced or invisible, they can be hard to find. Once found, they can be hard to communicate with. However, the Exiles are what IFS intends to root out, listen to, and heal.

The Protectors jobs are all attempts to keep the Exiles from being seen because they hold so much shame and fear and guilt so that the Protectors feel they are a threat to entire system. The Protectors come in two forms: Managers and Firefighters.

Managers are a proactive role — the ones who like to keep the system in order. They are protecting the system from ever getting out of control — at work, in relationships, in stressful situations, anywhere. The Managers’ jobs are to keep the system from being hurt, rejected, or shamed anymore. This can come in the form of caretaking, overworking, drill sergeant like task management, overachieving, overanalyzing, strict preparing, constant planning, worrying, complicating relationships and events with overthinking, and drastic protective measures, etc.

Firefighters are the reactive parts that, when an Exile gets triggered, it lashes out in an attempt to put out the fire of feeling the Exile’s (often strong) emotions. This looks like self-destructive behavior, risky choices, self-harm, suicidal ideation, binge-eating, drug and alcohol addictions, any number of numbing behaviors, and more.

Both protectors are working to control the system from the Exile being activated, they just approach with different techniques. Both protectors believe they are doing what they can to attend to the Exiles, and to keep the system safe and healthy. This is why IFS believes that all parts of a person are intended for good, no matter the outcome of their protective style. Even the parts that seem self-punitive are honestly self-protecting. This shift in thinking allows you to befriend your parts, hear them, be gentle and kind to them, and work toward a resolution instead of striving to just “stop doing the negative behavior” associated with each part’s role.

This is why I personally believe that all healing is always possible because the system is always trying to keep the true Self functioning. Along the way, you have learned coping skills — some protectors that have been around since the very first instance of abuse as a child — to keep you safe. They did serve a purpose. As a child, if you couldn’t leave your dysfunctional home and the only solace you found was in binge-eating junk food, that mechanism allowed you to survive in the home until you could leave. That’s why it’s no longer serving you now, why you can appreciate its role in your life then, and why you can heal that part (the binge-eating protector AND the exiled scared inner child who used the binge-eating to survive). You can indeed heal through inner child work, re-parent yourself now, heal your exiles (which are often very young versions of yourself), and make a full circle recovery back to your true, centered Self. IFS can help you rebuild your intrapersonal bridge within yourself, repair your self-trust, and reunite with your self-abandoned dreams and goals like we spoke on a few weeks ago.

Recently, I recommended Dr. Schwartz’ book No Bad Parts in my episode called ‘Books’. I personally have been self-studying parts work for a few years and have entered into the self-exploration of my own inner child healing since the Pandemic. I am working on joining an IFS circle training this spring. I am not trained as IFS-certified, however, I do use a lot of this language in my coaching sessions. If you had developmental trauma, IFS is impactful and healing down to the roots of your original traumas.

Because I’m not clinically trained in this modality, I’m going to encourage you on a couple of things. Firstly, read No Bad Parts to get a better grasp beyond this quick synopsis that I just shared with you. This was a very incomplete quick overview. Keep learning and even try some of the self-therapy exercises in the book.

Next, think about whether you are at a place in your trauma recovery journey where you believe IFS Therapy would be a good step for you. Whatever you decide, coaching is always an option for you. However, I don’t plug IFS just to plug my own coaching services. I honestly want you to find healing, and I know the IFS model process can help. Please send me a message on the “Connect” tab of my website if you are not able to find an IFS therapist, are placed on long wait lists, or are struggling to know if IFS is right for you. I will help you with any resources I can offer. Even being coached with this type of language while I work on my own training can be helpful for you especially if you have read Schwartz’ books on this topic and are able to flesh out the basic concepts. I can help you go a bit deeper while you wait for a trained therapist’s help as well. Healing the inner child is work that will literally change the trajectory of your adulthood from here on out. I look forward to walking this journey with you.