Full Circle Fridays|Week 1: Agency
*Author Note* If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.
To round out our week one – where on Mindful Monday I discussed the duality of life and on Wellspring Wednesday I explored how each person has to discover their own regimen for well-living – I thought I’d come full circle today with the word “agency”. This topic goes beyond trauma survivors today, as it’s applicable to all people no matter your circumstances. I shared on Monday the complexities of the opposite nature of life and how this can actually be useful to recognize that we have options and availability by not being stuck in one path of thinking. Wednesday, I spoke on how each person can use these options to design a systematic regimen of self-care to live their possible life – even after trauma.
When you look at the information that’s out there – I often find myself feeling overwhelmed with the seemingly contradictory science behind self-improvement. I read a lot of books and listen to even more podcasts. As someone with many biological after-effects of trauma myself, I have to limit my intake of “health and wellness” education. In one morning, I could listen to a podcast where this brilliant scientist and world renown author might be on one of my most trusted host’s shows talking about what to eat, when to eat it, how to fast, for how long, and why. I could flip to the very next podcast in queue only to find an equally qualified, totally believable, passionate health guru unwittingly totally debunk the prior guest with all kinds of similarly researched “must follow” diets and fasting rituals. You’ve all heard these things … one website says a glass of wine is actually good for you and another says any alcohol in any form at any time is taking years off your life. One site swears to completely have a breakthrough with intermittent fasting, and yet still another will tell us ‘intuitive eating’ is the new health craze sweeping the nation. One says plant-based is the only right way, and another scientist literally only eats meat for a month. Sometimes these “contradictions” make my head spin. The truth is, we still don’t understand enough about the body, the mind, and certainly not the soul enough to have ANY completely conclusive answers to literally anything. For instance, I have to take food specific info completely with a grain of salt (pun intended) due to my health conditions and a rare GI disease. I have had to figure out specifically what works for me no matter what my podcasts tell me to try – like what I was saying about discovering and designing your own best life your own way on Wednesday.
So what does this have to do with “agency”? I want to challenge you to explore your personal agency today. I don’t want today to be a concept to try or a book to read … I want today to be about you evaluating your own choices. Maybe you need to account for another person’s abuse and how you got to where you are today. You can take an inventory of how you handle your day-to-day life, and you can judge yourself (kindly) about what you would like to be different in this New Year. 2022 is primed for taking ownership of your own self-agency. You can direct your own steps – everything from learning to follow your own intuition to actually reading a book someone recommends. No matter where you consume wisdom, advise, self-help tips, and the like – it all starts with understanding the nature of your own agency. The more in control you feel of your own choices, by giving power to yourself rather than to your abuser, the more you are going to be free to exercise within that power. I want you to know that personal agency is something no one can GIVE you and no one can TAKE from you. Abusers ultimately want more power and control and so they are trying to steal yours. Please, don’t let them do this. One of the first steps a survivor takes to move into survivorhood from victimhood is to recognize and acknowledge their trauma. Once you can fully understand what happened TO you, you can start taking back the power of what you are going to DO with what happened to you. You can move forward and accomplish goals in your trauma recovery journey by recognizing that you are in the driver’s seat of your life.
As a coach, it’s my work to help you read the map, create goals to getting to destinations, remind you to buckle up, assist if the car breaks down, sing along to the radio with you, read the manual to find a replacement part, keep you company, point out the speed limits, and other ‘passenger seat roles’. I can’t sit in your driver’s seat though. I can only remind you of your own agency, support your choices, encourage your ideas, and bum along for the ride of your lifetime.
You are the agent of your journey. You are truly the only one who can manifest any kind of change. In fact, you are the only one who can decide when you even want anything to change. You control your daily environment – no matter how stuck or lost you may feel. That power you hold within your agency is the magical cure to allow yourself to dream again, to seek out the options and opportunities of life, to reclaim your inner child, to heal, and to grow. There are many things in life that you can compare and contrast, and even more things that seem like total contradictions. You have the influence and the impact to determine what’s best for your healing, how to go about pursuing it, and who to allow along for the ride. Buckle up; it’s go time.
