Mindful Mondays|Week 24: Xenial

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

To get started today, try to find a really warm space where you feel gently held, quieted, and comforted. This may be your bed, in front of the fireplace, or a breakfast nook. Pick somewhere snuggly, in a space where you won’t be distracted. Find a relaxed posture but also an alertness so you won’t get too sleepy. Take a really slow, even breath. Try to find a balanced inhale and exhale. I recommend a five-count inhale, five-count exhale. Go ahead and try a few that feel good to you to bring some stability to your practice today.

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Today we want to use this time to practice some inner hospitality. The word xenial means warm, welcoming, and hospitable. It defines the relationship between a host and their guest. Try to see if you can be really hospitable to anything that comes up during this time. Can you welcome the monkey mind of racing thinking, maybe even intrusive thoughts, or a difficult emotion? Can you play host/hostess to the guests that join you during this mindfulness practice? Try to find a peace within yourself so that you can help make comfortable whatever discomfort you find in the body or mind or spirit. Try it for a few minutes.

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Are you finding unease in welcoming tough emotions? Are you struggling to be welcoming to a body sensation like a leg that fell asleep? If so, imagine yourself as the host of your whole being. Imagine each sensation, thought, emotion, feeling, and distraction to be your guest. They will all be temporary, I promise. The brain will lose interest in any sort of thing after not too long. So while these things come and visit you, try to conjure an image of you welcoming them into this home inside you. Give each passing one a generous and warm greeting. “Hello. I see you came for a visit.” “Thank you for coming to show me that today.” “I welcome your discomfort with open arms.” “Hello, my friend. Grab a cup of tea and come sit with me for a while.”

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Before we close, try to clear out all those guests with a moment of focus on the breath, to center yourself back into your space and time and allow the host a moment of rest. Try a few more balanced breaths at whatever count feels comfortable to you. It’s a chance to extend some hospitality to the host for all the kindness you gave out to welcoming your guests. Just stay connected to the grounding, equal breath.

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Welcome back from your journey of playing host. You did a wonderful job being xenial to all the things that rose up from within you. You were very kind and welcoming. Take that kindness with you as you open your eyes and go back into your day. Use this practice whenever you need a bit of space between you and your troubling circumstances, body aches, or spiritual fatigue. This xenial practice is here inside you for whenever you need it.

Mindful Mondays|Week 11: Kindness, Find Us

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

If you have been practicing mindfulness for a while, you are familiar with loving-kindness meditations. If you struggle with those, you aren’t alone. And, also, don’t worry, because today we aren’t going to do one of those. I’m not going to ask you to be kind or say kind things to anyone or yourself. Let’s get started.

Take a really comfortable seat, maybe even lying down today. Pick a spot that, if you can, is in a different location from where you usually meditate. Try to change the vibe a little bit.

Keep your eyes open for this part. Let’s start by taking three deep breaths with some head/neck rolls. It will look like this — start with your chin to your chest. Take one inhale and exhale to open the spine. On your next inhale, roll your head slowly to the right, all the way back so you are looking at the ceiling or sky, and follow through all the way back down to the chin to position. As you exhale, roll completely the opposite way, ending with your chin back down toward chest. Let’s try three complete inhale and exhale rolls in this way.

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Now let’s settle into the ground and close your eyes if that feels safe. Place a hand over your chest, around the area of your sternum. Place your palm down so that you can feel your heartbeat. Let’s take a minute to focus on just that heartbeat inside our chest. Feel its rhythm; get familiar with its pulse; trust its steadiness.

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Today, I want you to imagine that ever-steady heartbeat as your personal kindness. I believe each of us has a part inside that is called our Self-Kindness part. No matter how distracted we are, it’s still in there, buried in your chest, pumping along. Maybe moments you are not active with self-care, it gets a bit sluggish. When you are exercising your Kindness part, it is pumping strong and loudly. When you sit quietly, you can feel it, and even better you can feel it with your hand as a tool. Sometimes it takes a bit of silence, yet still sometimes it will palpitate when it needs attention. I think it’s really important to recognize you have a Self-Kindness part. Instead of a typical loving-kindness mantra, let’s change the prayer today to: Kindness, find us. We can speak to this Kindness part and ask it to join us in this meditation. We want the self-kindness, but there’s no rush or push to force it. Sometimes you do need to fake it til you make it, but today I’d like us to try the gentle back door. Let’s tell our Kindness part that we know it’s there. We see it; we want and need it. Ware open to it visiting us and gracing us with its presence. Give is a try with me:

Kindness, find us.

Kindness, find us.

Kindness, find us.

Kindness, we know you live inside us and are ever-available to us. Teach us to call on you more, especially in our times of self-criticism. Remind us with small palpitations, minor nudgings, that you are ever-ready to greet us and ground us in love and self-compassion.

Kindness, find us.

Kindness, find us.

Kindness, find us.

Let’s come back to the space around us, sounds, and our body. Take a moment to be thankful for your Self-Kindness part. With one last deep breath, you can open your eyes. Let Kindness find you throughout your day. Until next time, be well.