Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 12: Labyrinth

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

I often refer to this thing we do as a “trauma recovery journey”, a path, a road. If I’m really honest though — it’s basically a labyrinth. It’s complicated, dizzying at times, twisty, and topsy-turvy. There’s not just steps forward and steps back, like with any lifestyle goal or achievement worth doing. Because trauma is messy, the recovery will be so as well. There’s really no easy way around this, and for that I am truly story. For myself and for anyone reading, I’m really sorry. It’s heartbreaking to think about how much more pain we must go through in the name of healing. In the sake of rebuilding the puzzle, we must dump the puzzle box over. In order to find the regimen that works for you and the right meds or therapeutic interventions, one must fail again and again. Failing forward is really important though because when you fail, you must learn and then not give up and keep going. However, while in the throws of trauma recovery, you often want to (or do for a time) give up. There isn’t a timeline on this like other medically intricate healing types. There isn’t a trauma recovery surgeon who’s going to set a pre-op, a surgery date, and then a post-op follow-up care routine that lasts 10–12 weeks.

This so far sounds really bleak, so let me pause for a moment and remind you that THIS IS WORTH IT. Also, you should know that there are so many GOOD twists and turns on this labyrinth. This is where it gets good because even though you may still be in a muddy patch of your trauma road, you may have an eye-opening revelation about yourself, you may make a lifestyle change that makes a huge difference, or you may learn something important about your attachment style that helps you even more in your healing. These twists of the maze seem to take you down a great path momentarily, and you get a fresh strength with even a small insight. Maybe you finally (through mindfulness and lots of practice) have a healthy trigger reaction that blows your own mind, and now you are so excited to run down the corridor of this thing, recognizing that you are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Just keep in mind that around another labyrinthine corner, a big life event or a family get together may not be such an enjoyable stretch. You also sometimes will return to old habits or addictions. There will be times when you wake up and your trauma brain is so loud for no apparent reason that you get stuck in bed for days feeling sorry for all your “failed hard work” (and other lies your trauma brain will tell you). A friend’s comment about their parents may derail a moment of your painful adventure of having no-contact with your parents. Let us not forget that while we are working on this trauma recovery mess, we are also humans living a regular life just trying to work, go to school, have a social life, and live our dreams. In the mix of all these other wild, winding ways is actual real life — where friends let us down, jobs get lost, pets die, kids get sick, cars break down, and other normal human stressors. Sometimes it’s appropriate to put your healing work on hold while you handle a regular life crisis.

Okay, see I’ve gone back to bleakness. Let me ‘re-calculate this route’. Recalibrating back onto a positive track, another day in our healing may look like: a therapy session that leaves you with a smile, a good cry maybe makes you feel so whole, or a friend’s encouragement to you after noticing some healthy changes in you. These days we are enthusiastic about walking the maze another step or two or ten.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is only forward — even if it’s a dead end. Yes, sometimes you have to backtrack — even if it’s not pretty. Even if you have to consult a map, and then still get lost. It is worth it, even if you somedays you are in the intricate, confusing journey by yourself. And also, there are checkpoints along the way — I promise. Moments of no return, like a Mario Kart video game; it’s like life’s redemption to give you a leg up after you’ve worked so hard. You can “save your progress”, so, if the whole system crashes, it’s all there whenever you are ready to go back at it. Along the way, like a marathon, there are people throwing water on you, giving you gel packs of nutrients, cheering you on, and waiting at the finish line to snap your success photo.

Truth be told, though, I don’t know if the trauma recovery maze has a complete finish line, but I do know that not all the days are bad and hard. Eventually, with the right psychological support, finding your stride and self-care regimen, and sticking with it long enough — things do seem to have more ease. When you get knocked off the path, it does get easier for your brain to recognize the importance of getting back up and trying again. Kicking old habits, for instance, is hard, but the more you conquer them each time, the more readily your brain will respond to minor slip ups going forward.

This is not the most comfortable post I’ve made. I’d rather be here telling you that within 10–12 weeks, your trauma will be reversed — that after 3 months of treatment, your pain will be in remission. I wish it was that easy, for myself as well. We are in this together. As a trauma recovery coach, my pledge is to see you through this maze — not promising to know a trick to get out of it but a promise to support and guide you as you figure it yourself. If this episode was painful for you to hear or if it all seems too daunting, feel free to message me on the “connect” tab of my website. I’d love to encourage you and resource you, so you don’t feel so trapped in the labyrinth alone.

Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 5: Easy v. Simple

*Author Note* If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

I have been known to say that “nothing is easy, but everything can be simple”.  This isn’t always the case, of course, but this kind of blanket statement motto has been a constant reminder for myself in my own trauma recovery journey.  For me, because I believe in the almighty optimism of life, I just trust things the simpler they are.  It’s almost like when searching for an answer – I tend to have it fall into my lap.  However, then, when something comes too easy, I tend to be a skeptic!  Yet when something tangible and logical comes to me – like in a dream or something – it seems simple and feasible.  This could be an answer to a question, a confirmation I needed for something, the next right step that I’m searching for, the proper response, or just what I must do to move forward from a situation.  However – this comes after taking time to learn to self-trust and trust the universe.  If you aren’t there or you are bent toward pessimism – I’m not going to try to change your mind.  If you hear me out though, I will challenge you with a concept that may turn into a powerful inner resource on your healing path.  Either way is okay, but I’m going to share it because I believe it to be true - if only for my own life.

The way toward self-realization is realizing who you are; the way toward self-actualization is actually realizing who you are. 

The End…Just kidding.

Trauma survivors – all of us – would LOVE an easy solution, an easy cure.  We want the PTSD to stop, the emotional disconnection to end, the relational and intimacy issues to go away, the physical pain to be gone, etc. We know there really isn’t an easy one-step-cure-all to fix each of us.  What if it could be broken up into simpler steps though?  What if there was a perfect path for trauma recovery with YOUR name on it?  Different for each survivor; tailored to your specific trauma, responses, coping skills, and aftereffects.  Instead of asking how CAN you live your best life – what if we asked ourselves how SHOULD we live it?   What I mean by that is what if we had a felt sense of knowing in our gut that is our authentic self that is guiding us back to our truth.  

I don’t say this to sound woo-woo.  I’m not woo-woo; I’m just woo.  I believe that survivors have their own tools and keys buried inside them like a hidden treasure.  Trauma covered it up with earth, magma, rocks – like a volcano that covers everything it touches.  But – underneath is still preserved the tools that you were born with, the person you still are even before the trauma happened.  The purpose, the passion, the right path for your perfect life.  Now, those tools may be altered from the lava, ash, and soot.  They may work differently; they along with you have been changed forever.  That’s all true.  It’s also true that the coming back to yourself is the healing.  Then you realize, uncover, and rediscover (or maybe just discover) who you are.  This can’t be an easy task – but it can be simple if you trust that you are still in there.  If you are sure that you are, you are willing to do the work, set a plan, and show up for yourself over and over – the rest can be simpler.  Your self-actualization can then be freed to bubble over and do great things. 

Way back on Week One, I discussed some basics of this in episodes called: “Agency” and “Acne of the Soul” which I’ll link to in the show notes for reference.  Finding what works for you and what you actually need is part of a self-inquiry process. If you are struggling with sifting through this – I recommend asking your trauma recovery coach or therapist for help.  This is similar to Life Coaching – which I am passionate about in helping people find their life’s mission – but if you have a trauma history, this may be bringing up so many emotions that you may need extra support.  Feel free to send me a message and ask how I can help.   

Once you do this self-inquiry process, you’ll start having freedom to ask yourself questions about goals, careers, relationships.  You can search out answers to life’s big questions.  You’ll want to figure out how you want to live, where you want to live, who you love and why, how to be a good parent, how to break addictions and cycles, and so much more. 

And all that can be simpler because you’ll ask your inner knowing what SHOULD you do instead of what CAN you do.  For instance – if you asked yourself what you can do for a living … you could think of 10 things off the top of your head. You could pick off the option’s list by narrowing it down based on how long the commute is and how much the salary is.  You then decide on whatever one, and then go and get it.  Probably in a year or two with the right certification or degree or application process – in no time, you could be a (insert career here)! 

However, if you ask yourself deep down what SHOULD you do for a living … then, you have to simply be quiet, patient, still, and listen.  Aligning with your purpose deep in your inner being, you can actually find out what career bests suits your purpose.  Then – you won’t be given a random list to choose from, you’ll be given an answer.  

I do know from experience that this trauma recovery thing is really difficult at times, and it requires consistent, hard work.  Picking an easy road – like remaining where you are, not growing, allowing your family to keep manipulating you, not setting boundaries, losing yourself in everyone else, striving to be perfect, just staying where you’ve always been – this won’t take you to where you want to go.  Choosing the (albeit) harder recovery road– doing the work, being coached, figuring out who you are, getting help for your addiction, emotionally releasing all the junk, discovering your authentic self – will give you the long-term gains in the future to live your best life and walk in your healed, whole self. 

And that’s the end.  That’s the goal of this human life thing we do – finding ourselves and our purpose and then being our best self. On this week’s Full Circle Friday (week 5: Eat, Pray, Love), we’ll talk more about the idea of goals and goal setting (which is a big part of what I do as a trauma recovery coach).  If you are overwhelmed at the challenge of today, send me a message on the “Connect” tab on my website to let me know.  I promise to reach back with any help I can offer.   If you are feeling overwhelmed, there is a reason for that, and we can figure it out together.