Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 25: YOLO

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

So, YOLO, right? You know — You Only Live Once. The acronym is said to be similar to the Carpe Diem phrase, in that it should ignite folks to really go out and capture it all before it goes away forever.

For Trauma Survivors, carpe’ing anything usually takes a back burner to just trying to survive, working on our healing, retraining our brains, reframing our thoughts, and finding new, healthier coping skills. So who has time for YOLO fun, right?

Consider this your invitation to just think about it. Maybe you need permission to carpe stuff right now. I give you full and utter permission; can you accept that for yourself? Maybe you don’t want to carpe the day, maybe just these next 5 minutes. Maybe for you, you already KNOW you only live once, but you are tired of just living and want to try to live in a new way … more powerfully, louder, larger, with more excitement, healthier, with a fresh start, or in a more positive way.

If you find yourself in the dark part of your trauma recovery journey where you feel like you aren’t free to dream yet — that’s okay. What if you just took this time while listening to/reading this episode to make a mental note that soon in the future it will be safe to try? Can you even imagine the place in your healing where you start having freedom from maladaptive coping skills and addictions, having new healthy friendships and supportive people to encourage you, having boundaries that protect you from those who want to take advantage of you, and having self-care regimen that fills you up from the inside? Can you begin to fantasize about what it will feel like when you can trust yourself and your gut instincts again? Just even recognizing those things today, can that be enough for right now?

If you are down the road a ways on your healing path, are you starting to make a bucket list? Are you allowing yourself to play and be creative? Have you given yourself permission to find happiness in the small wins and celebrate yourself? Are you ready to start carpe’ing things — recovering the peace and joy your trauma tried to steal from you?

Sure — YOLO! Instead of it being some kind of call to action, what if it could mean a quiet space to meditate on this one life you have been given? Yes, you do only live once, but your one life has brought you a lot of pain, misery, fear, suffering, and protective instincts to try to keep you alive. So now that you’ve come to this place of trauma recovery — is restoration of your happiness possible? Remind yourself that you only get one shot at this life — in this time, this body, this space. For some, YOLO is an anthem, a battle cry to live life to the fullest. And for you, maybe you are there now. And if you aren’t, YOLO can be a reminder that your life matters, and every day brings small gains, small progress. For us, each day, we are carpe’ing the hell out of our recovery. And that’s worth something amazing.

If you need a hand or help getting a leg up in the recovery process, feel free to reach out. I’ll do my best to resource you in any way I can. Schedule a free consult today to see if coaching is right for you in your process right now. Maybe it’s the next best thing for you to carpe this week! Your one, amazing, honest, true, authentic, best life is already here right now! Happy seizing!

Wellspring Wednesdays|Week 12: Labyrinth

Author Note: If you prefer to listen or watch instead of or along with -
 Check out the YouTube video and/or the Podcast audio.

I often refer to this thing we do as a “trauma recovery journey”, a path, a road. If I’m really honest though — it’s basically a labyrinth. It’s complicated, dizzying at times, twisty, and topsy-turvy. There’s not just steps forward and steps back, like with any lifestyle goal or achievement worth doing. Because trauma is messy, the recovery will be so as well. There’s really no easy way around this, and for that I am truly story. For myself and for anyone reading, I’m really sorry. It’s heartbreaking to think about how much more pain we must go through in the name of healing. In the sake of rebuilding the puzzle, we must dump the puzzle box over. In order to find the regimen that works for you and the right meds or therapeutic interventions, one must fail again and again. Failing forward is really important though because when you fail, you must learn and then not give up and keep going. However, while in the throws of trauma recovery, you often want to (or do for a time) give up. There isn’t a timeline on this like other medically intricate healing types. There isn’t a trauma recovery surgeon who’s going to set a pre-op, a surgery date, and then a post-op follow-up care routine that lasts 10–12 weeks.

This so far sounds really bleak, so let me pause for a moment and remind you that THIS IS WORTH IT. Also, you should know that there are so many GOOD twists and turns on this labyrinth. This is where it gets good because even though you may still be in a muddy patch of your trauma road, you may have an eye-opening revelation about yourself, you may make a lifestyle change that makes a huge difference, or you may learn something important about your attachment style that helps you even more in your healing. These twists of the maze seem to take you down a great path momentarily, and you get a fresh strength with even a small insight. Maybe you finally (through mindfulness and lots of practice) have a healthy trigger reaction that blows your own mind, and now you are so excited to run down the corridor of this thing, recognizing that you are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Just keep in mind that around another labyrinthine corner, a big life event or a family get together may not be such an enjoyable stretch. You also sometimes will return to old habits or addictions. There will be times when you wake up and your trauma brain is so loud for no apparent reason that you get stuck in bed for days feeling sorry for all your “failed hard work” (and other lies your trauma brain will tell you). A friend’s comment about their parents may derail a moment of your painful adventure of having no-contact with your parents. Let us not forget that while we are working on this trauma recovery mess, we are also humans living a regular life just trying to work, go to school, have a social life, and live our dreams. In the mix of all these other wild, winding ways is actual real life — where friends let us down, jobs get lost, pets die, kids get sick, cars break down, and other normal human stressors. Sometimes it’s appropriate to put your healing work on hold while you handle a regular life crisis.

Okay, see I’ve gone back to bleakness. Let me ‘re-calculate this route’. Recalibrating back onto a positive track, another day in our healing may look like: a therapy session that leaves you with a smile, a good cry maybe makes you feel so whole, or a friend’s encouragement to you after noticing some healthy changes in you. These days we are enthusiastic about walking the maze another step or two or ten.

There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is only forward — even if it’s a dead end. Yes, sometimes you have to backtrack — even if it’s not pretty. Even if you have to consult a map, and then still get lost. It is worth it, even if you somedays you are in the intricate, confusing journey by yourself. And also, there are checkpoints along the way — I promise. Moments of no return, like a Mario Kart video game; it’s like life’s redemption to give you a leg up after you’ve worked so hard. You can “save your progress”, so, if the whole system crashes, it’s all there whenever you are ready to go back at it. Along the way, like a marathon, there are people throwing water on you, giving you gel packs of nutrients, cheering you on, and waiting at the finish line to snap your success photo.

Truth be told, though, I don’t know if the trauma recovery maze has a complete finish line, but I do know that not all the days are bad and hard. Eventually, with the right psychological support, finding your stride and self-care regimen, and sticking with it long enough — things do seem to have more ease. When you get knocked off the path, it does get easier for your brain to recognize the importance of getting back up and trying again. Kicking old habits, for instance, is hard, but the more you conquer them each time, the more readily your brain will respond to minor slip ups going forward.

This is not the most comfortable post I’ve made. I’d rather be here telling you that within 10–12 weeks, your trauma will be reversed — that after 3 months of treatment, your pain will be in remission. I wish it was that easy, for myself as well. We are in this together. As a trauma recovery coach, my pledge is to see you through this maze — not promising to know a trick to get out of it but a promise to support and guide you as you figure it yourself. If this episode was painful for you to hear or if it all seems too daunting, feel free to message me on the “connect” tab of my website. I’d love to encourage you and resource you, so you don’t feel so trapped in the labyrinth alone.