Mindful Mondays|Week 23: Watching the Watcher

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To begin, find a comfortable and quiet space where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes. Find a relaxed yet alert posture that you can maintain. Close your eyes to minimize distractions. Take a long, cleansing breath and find a calm, quiet attitude.

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Inside this space in your brain, find your breath’s rhythm and follow it. It’s that simple. Watch the inhale as it rises and peaks. Watch the exhale as it falls and stills. Watch the inhale all the way to the peak and the exhale all the way to the stillness at the bottom of the breath.

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Now for a few moments, can you be aware of the one watching as you watch your breath? See if you can zoom out to watch the watcher? Stay steady on yourself in your mind’s eye as you are the one watching your breath.

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Can you zoom out even once more to find the watcher who is watching the watcher watching the breath? Can you allow your mind to get lost in the kaleidoscope of watching — all while focusing on the inhale and exhale from start to finish?

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Today we tried this practice of watching the watcher. This is a method to keep the focus strongly on the breath, without losing the awareness of the present moment. You aren’t in the breath or in the watching. You are the breath, and you are the watching. Your awareness is the thing that’s allowing you to focus on whichever thing you choose — the anchor of the breath, the watching the watcher watch the breath, or any number of the outside focuses or the other watchers. This creates a zooming effect of focus. When you do this, you are training your mind to stay present to even the details zoomed in on the breath itself or zoomed out on whichever watcher you’d like. The universe abounds in opportunities of focus. Today you chose stillness and focused well on that for these minutes. Congratulate yourself on staying with it on a journey inward and outward and above and around.

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When you’re ready, open your eyes and move watchfully back into your day. Be well, Survivors.

Mindful Mondays|Week 22: Validation

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Start today by finding a comfortable space somewhere familiar to you. Let any last movements needed in your legs or neck or shoulders to squirm out. Sit with a tall spine but without tension. Imagine a string from the top of your head to the sky above holding you up. Feel into the support of your seat to feel grounded and feel into the posture to find a sense of alertness yet ease. Look around your space for just a moment to get a snapshot of the objects and colors around you. Ground into your body and its connection to the world around you. When you are ready and feel secure, close your eyes to shut out all the outside stimuli.

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Now that you’ve allowed yourself into this inner realm of yours, what do you find in here? Do thoughts start racing? Are you still seeing the silhouetted memories of your outside room? Do you find a sensation in your body? Take a minute to just explore before we find an anchor. Anything that comes up, just acknowledge it. It has a valid space here. Any emotion, any tingling, any fantasy, any administrative thoughts — they are all valid in your inner realm. Try not to reject them but validate them. “I see you.” “Ah, here you are in my inner space, coming to find me.” “Thank you for showing me that.” Give that a try for a moment.

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Now that you’ve taken a moment to validate your inner realm and all its immediate needs and wants — let’s ask this wild canvas of thoughts and feelings to clear off for a few moments. You gave it time to be heard and validated. Now you’d like these things to validate your meditation moment with peace and stillness. Take three cleansing, deep belly breaths and come to a quietness in your spirit.

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This time that you set aside to still yourself is valid. The need and want is valid. The quietness is valid. The desire for peace and expansion is valid. I hear you. I see you. This is the work. Find your breath exactly as it is. No need to try to change its pattern or rhythm. Just follow your breath and let your time be precious.

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Come back now to your mind and thoughts and feelings and body. Thank them for validating your time spent with your focus off of them and on your own inner peace. Both things have validity. Both things are priceless. Before you go back to the whims of your brain, take another cleansing breath, and thank your mind for giving you space to be present. Anytime the demands of the outside world or your own inner self become too much — just pause and validate their concerns, and then ask for a little space to just be for a moment. The ebb and flow is a beautiful relationship between the Doing and the Being of life.

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When you’re ready, you can open your eyes. Step peacefully back into your day. Feel validated for this time and come back whenever you would like. Be well, survivors.

Mindful Mondays|Week 13: Mindful Moment

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Today is more of a classic meditation, so let’s settle into a seated position. A posture of restfulness but alertness. Before you close your eyes, take a moment to ground yourself in the room or space you are in. Gently gaze at the objects in front of you … to your left … to the right … and above you. Try to notice the dimensional space surrounding you and feel a sense of security in this area that you chose to meditate in today. Now let’s close the eyes and take a few centering breaths to settle into this moment.

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Right now, right here, in this mindful moment, there is nothing to do, nowhere to go. No productivity or creativity is needed, neither any special talents, or anything that needs thinking through. No worry is helpful here. All this is is a few minutes of following your breath, observing yourself breathe, staying in the moment trying to notice when thought sweeps you away, and then coming back to the breath once you realize. There is no judgment here. Your mind is thinking because that’s what the mind does. It’s doing what it knows how. What you are doing here for a few minutes is asking your brain to focus on one sole thing: the breath. This can be a hard task. The practice is in the noticing your mind when it drifts away into thought and then bringing it gently back. That’s what meditation is. Meditation does not mean you can stay with the breath the longest; it means you can catch the wandering and bring it back — over and over and over.

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Where is your mind now? Have you lost track of your breath? Just realize it. Note “thinking” to yourself and just come back to focusing only on your breath.

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We aren’t trying to change the breath or manipulate it in any way. We are just sitting in our seat of observance, watching ourselves breathe. Following the breath like a game of “follow the leader” — watching each inhale, the pause, and each exhale. Notice the length of the breath. Feel the soft moment of pause between breaths. Just create a moment of peace focusing on this breath and this breath and this one.

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If you’ve slid into thinking, that’s okay. Note to yourself “thinking” and gently recalibrate your mind back to the focal point of the breath.

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Today was a training practice — a more standard version of mindfulness. Allowing your brain to get lost in thought, noticing it, and bringing it back again and again — that is meditation. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be fancy or difficult. It’s just a few minutes of space to allow your mind a rest — a space to not have to worry, fuss, task, plan, fix, or calculate. It’s a mindful moment in a busy world in your busy day to just sit and remember you are a human who breathes. Come back to this meditation anytime you need a moment of mindfulness.

Mindful Mondays|Week 12: Lazy River

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Let’s set sail on a lazy river. If it’s comfortable and safe, today’s meditation is best while lying down. If you aren’t able, try to get in the most comfortable place where you won’t be distracted. Either way, try to shift into place so that you can find complete stillness but still stay alert.

Allow your body to weigh very heavy and close your eyes when you are ready. Feel the support below you and allow your muscles a moment to relax. Take four slow deep breaths as your body comes to rest upon the earth.

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The word “lazy” can be really triggering for over-achievers, over-doers, perfectionists, rushed people, heavy work-loaded folks, those suffering with hyperactivity, over-thinkers, and those who have a chaotic energy in their minds. These words also often describe developmental trauma survivors, those raised with abusive or oppressive parents, and those cultures of high-achieving family work values. Although every human’s brain has a hard time when first practicing focus and mindfulness; it can be extra challenging for trauma brains to allow us the space to just sit. This may seem lazy or selfish to take time just to be with your breath, watch yourself breathing, repeat a mantra, or any other mundane meditation practice.

I wonder if we can reframe our thinking about being “lazy”; what if we called this productive rest? What if this was a decompression time that actually allowed more space for purposeful focus on work and tasks later? What if this was a place where your brain got defragmented and re-organized? Tomorrow we are going to talk about the maze of the trauma recovery journey. Can this be a pause moment in that healing work? Can meditation be that minute of calm in the storm of life? Productive rest is good for your mind, body, and spirit.

Let’s try this together. Let’s just lay here. No breathwork today, no mantra. Nothing to do; even if you have a million things to do, none of them are to get done now. This is your lazy river. Mentally grab a supportive inflatable, and allow the warm waters with gentle current to just float you down its mazy path. It’s twisting and turning, but so slowly and calmly that you barely notice the shift. You can watch the clouds and drift along without a single care in the world — because right now none of them matter. Just be.

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If your mind instinctively went back to thoughts and worries, that’s okay. Just place yourself back on your float and set sail again down your lazy river. Watch the clouds, feel the sunshine, dip your toes, and drift.

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You’re doing so well that I wonder if there’s space for you to drift along for just one more minute? Would it be productively restful to stay on your raft and take a final peaceful moment on your river?

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Welcome back to the room and the space around you. Feel your body on the not-river ground. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and you can open your eyes when you are acclimated. What’s beautiful is this productive rest just gentled your mind, so it’s actually better equipped to handle the twisty turns of the day with more peace and clarity. Remember you can come to your lazy river whenever you need a safe space to just float and have some un-lazy rest.

Mindful Mondays|Week 9: Inquisitiveness

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Let’s get ready to have a few minutes of mindfulness together. Sit comfortably with a tall spine but a relaxed posture. Place your hands gently on your lap or knees so that you can feel your hands resting comfortably. For this practice, before anything else, let your mind know that we are going to get curious about it today; we are going to do some self-inquiry. Sometimes the mind needs a little heads up about what the game plan is. For trauma survivors, structure and preparedness allows us to relax more into a situation. Just gently let your brain and body know that’s the plan for today.

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Now that our mind is on board with us, let’s really let gravity settle us firmly on the ground or chair below. Close the eyes if that feels good to you, or you can use a soft gaze at the ground in front of you. This just helps minimize distractions. Take a cleansing breath and sink down into this space and time.

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First thing to notice is that inside this body, at this moment, just sitting here being, with your eyes closed or gazing down, you are the only one in this moment with yourself. I like to even tell myself, in my mind, “Okay now. It’s just us in here.” That may sound a little silly, but I’ll give you a moment if you want to try it.

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Now that it’s just you, and you are aware that it’s just you — go ahead and shift your focus to your breath. Just for a few moments, try to keep your attention adhered right to your breath. Follow it wherever it goes, in whatever rhythm, pace, length. Just observe it and notice yourself breathing.

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Now let’s get a little inquisitive. 
 How did your mind like being told you were going to do some self-introspection today?
 How did it feel to close your eyes and settle down into yourself? 
 Was it silly to talk in your head to the Self in your head? 
 Did you feel a bit meta? Did your inside Self answer you? 
 Were you able to stay with your breath or was your mind quite noisy today? 
 Did you find yourself analyzing the breath instead of just watching it? 
 What was your body’s response to sitting so still with your eyes closed? 
 Are you feeling anxious or fidgety like you want to get up? Is your to-do list taunting you? 
 Did you get sleepy and mellow and have a hard time tracking your breaths? 
Are you willing and able to think on these inquiries for a few moments?

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When life gets a bit chaotic, a few moments of self-to-self inquisitiveness can lead you on a path to the deep issues happening inside. If something goes terribly wrong and you feel an emotion but can’t identify it, you can take a pause wherever you are and ask yourself how you are doing. At those times when the busyness of the day is creating overwhelm, you can gather your thoughts one by one and ask your mind to sit and talk to you for a bit. You can use inquisitiveness to see where in your body you are storing any stress. You can get quiet and curious about why you are feeling frustrated on a day when things are going pretty well. Remember, if you are a trauma survivor, your body and brain have been remembering stress and pain for years. Sometimes your pain just wants to be heard. You may find yourself running from errand to errand and lose track of the fact that you haven’t eaten yet that today, or you are feeling physically tired and need a rest. And sometimes it’s more than that. Your mind wants to let you in on what it has been holding onto. The more you do self-inquiry, the more your mind and body will start to trust you, and they will be more willing to share with you how they feel and what they need from you.

Give yourself one last, delicious drink of a deep breath. Go back to that feeling of your hands resting in your lap. Maybe you notice those hands now — feeling cold, warm, stiff, or itchy. If you took several minutes just examining your own hands, they would have many things to say to you. “I need lotion.” “I need to wiggle.” “I’m cold.” The same concept works for your heart and your mind. You can become inquisitive about your inner being and get curious about what’s really going on in there anytime you want. After all, in there, it’s just you.

When you’re ready, open your eyes. Wiggle those fingers and toes. Let your body and brain know that you are done with this sit, but that you desire to have more private sessions as a regular practice. Thank them for participating in your meditation today. Enjoy the rest of your day and be well.

Mindful Mondays|Week 8: Hope

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Begin by finding a quiet space to sit with no distractions just for a few minutes. Sit comfortably but alertly with a spine that is straight and supportive. Take a nice long slow deep breath to help your mind recognize that we are sitting for some mindfulness now. Get any last wiggles out of your fingers and toes. Slowly roll your head from side to side or in circles or looking left and right. Whatever helps bring you to a place of stillness.

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If it’s safe to do, close your eyes. To calm your mind, spend a few moments just watching your breath. Find a focus point of your inhale and exhale — perhaps the rise and fall of your belly, the cool air going in and warmer air coming out of your nostrils. Just place your attention somewhere inside or around your body that helps you stay anchored to the present moment.

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It’s completely normal to have been swept away by thoughts or worries or fantasies. Just take another slow deep breath, and without judging yourself come right back to the focus point of your breath and body.

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We humans are known for being preoccupied with thinking, listening, and figuring out problems. Our mind is wired to keep going, even when we are sleeping. This space is time for your brain to practice attention by staying steady on the breath. So come on back to your focus point and let the breath keep you sitting in the present.

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Today I want to ask you, while sitting here in the present moment, to think about how you got here. Take a moment to contemplate the path you’ve been on, the struggles you’ve had, the diagnosis you’ve received, the old life you’re healing from. To get to the place where you have joined me today sitting in your mindfulness spot focusing over and over on training your mind to come back to your breath and body, there was a journey to get here. Something turned you on to meditation, or maybe you still don’t love it, but you do it because you know it’s helpful. Where you’ve been and how you are here now — that is to be celebrated.

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Now that you’ve imagined that past self and watch yourself coming to who you are today, I want you to place your hope in yourself. Trusting yourself that you are on the right road back to your authentic self. Just like with this practice, you are bringing yourself home over and over again. This feeling, knowing how far you’ve come, this can give you hope that growth is possible and that you are only going to heal more, love yourself more, and continue on this trauma recovery road. You’ve done it this far; have hope that your practices and goals will continue to thrust you forward with momentum. Hope will help you keep coming back to your true self whenever you stray. Hope will give you the energy to push forward even when it’s a dark day. Think on this Hope for a few moments.

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Coming back to the breath, take one more cleansing breath. If you feel okay to do so, allow a smile to wash over your face.

Congratulate yourself for being hopeful for a healthy future. Let hope guide you in your journey when it’s hard to keep going.

Feel your sit bones on the seat below you. Wiggle your fingers and toes. And when you’re ready, come back to the room and open your eyes.

Enjoy the rest of your hopeful day, and cheers to your hopeful tomorrow.

Mindful Mondays|Week 7: Gratitude

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Take a moment to let your mind know that today you are going to be focusing on gratitude. Allow your mind some space to take that in — even if it’s grumpy, feeling opposed to this, or thinking of it as a chore.

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Let be whatever is there, whatever comes up. If any resistance did come up for you, ask that resistance if it can step aside just for ten minutes so you can be present in gratitude.

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Before we begin, settle down into your seat or cushion and feel the earth below supporting you. Trust yourself to listen to your heart today. Close your eyes if that feels safe. See if a small smile can find its way in the corner of your lips. Let’s take a deep breath and let our bottom nuzzle down into our seat. Sit upright with a tall spine without rigidity — alert by relaxed. Now just observe your body for a moment and see if anything comes up for you.

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If nothing did, that’s okay. If something in your body was giving you a sensation, focus on that for just a few breaths and see if it wants some attention.

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It’s okay to trust yourself here. This is a safe space — inside your mind, only you know what’s going on. Allow your breath to be calm and flowing freely. See once again if anything is coming up for you.

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Today isn’t just a gratitude practice. Today I want to practice self-focused gratitude. In your trauma healing journey, learning to trust yourself is a milestone. Listening to your body and staying present in difficult emotions is a big deal. In a moment, I am going to give you a while to find things to be grateful for. However, I want you to try to focus on yourself when you think about these gratitudes. What can you see in yourself, your body, your wisdom, your life, your accomplishments, your choices, your healing, your path for which you can thank yourself. Maybe it’s for doing this meditation or for hearing and paying attention to the sensations in your body a moment ago. Maybe you’ve hit a sobriety milestone that deserves some praise. Maybe you can recognize a boundary you adhered to with a difficult person recently. Maybe you finished a self-help book you had been putting off for a while. Maybe just that your body is here, allowing you to talk to it and celebrate it. If this is too difficult, that’s okay. If self-gratitude is too challenging, just focus on your breath for a few moments. If you are able to allow yourself to focus on your worthiness, think on those things. Allow gratitude to wash over you in a soul-cleansing way.

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Take a moment to feel how your body feels in this space of focused self-gratefulness. How does it feel to shift your attention inward at your amazing self?

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Part of our trauma recovery is learning to trust ourselves, hear our body and spirit, focus on our self-care, be kind and loving to ourselves, and truly be thankful for our stamina on this long healing road. In an effort to negate the painful, harsh, untrue words that were spoken and self-beliefs that were formed in our trauma, it’s paramount to affirm our love for ourselves and be thankful to self that we are still here plugging along in this path. I’m grateful you shared this space with me today. I’m honored to have guided you to a place of self-reflective praise. I applaud your self-celebration and encourage you to do it as often as you can. Until next time, keep on loving and caring for yourself.

Mindful Mondays|Week 4: Dream

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Today I want to talk about Dreams. Not the nocturnal ones.  The heart ones, the depths of your soul ones, the passion and purpose ones. 

Let’s start by sitting comfortably in a chair, the ground, or on a cushion.  Take an extra moment today to really get comfortable.  Anything that you need to make yourself 1% more comfortable in your body, while maintaining alertness with your mind.  Feel your sit bones sinking into whatever you are sitting on.  Feel your weight completely trust the ground beneath you.  Close your eyes if that feels safe for you.

We are going to focus right into the belly today, placing our attention right in the area of the diaphragm at the top the gut.  While you breath, notice the expansion and contraction of the belly.  Let your tummy totally relax, totally release – even if spills over. That’s okay.  If you aren’t noticing an expand/contract sensation, you are probably breathing in your chest with your lungs.  I want you to shift that to breathing diaphragmatically.  See if you are able still your chest and lower your shoulders.  Try not to let those areas rise and fall with this breathing.  Just your belly. 

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If you got lost in thought, that’s okay.  Just gently nudge yourself back to focusing on your belly.  Observe it fill up like a balloon and fall back in slowly with the exhale.  Don’t force the breath; just watch it. 

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Today I want you to think about a dream you once had.  Maybe when you were a child, or maybe more recently.  Think about something that you wanted to do, what career you wanted to pursue, someplace you wanted to go see, something you wanted to create, a trade or skill you wanted to learn, a hero you desired to be like.

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Try to sense the feeling this dream gives you in your belly.  In the depth of your being, in your gut.  Imagine yourself at the age and place and time when you began dreaming this dream.  What do you feel in your body?  What does the place smell like?  What color does this dream have?  Do you feel silly wanting this dream?  Does this dream seem impossible?  Did something happen after this dream that prevented you from obtaining it yet?  How does this dream make you feel now, whatever age you are, thinking back on it? 

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Maybe you chose to focus on a dream that you haven’t thought of in a long time – like a childhood dream of wanting to be a dinosaur.  Or maybe you are thinking about a dream that crops up in your mind from time to time, maybe asking you to revisit it.  Either way, what happened to those dreams?  Are they still somewhere in your body?  Did you feel a nudge or a tingle or sensation when you began thinking about this?  What is your dream trying to tell you about yourself now? 

If this dream was dreamt, there was a reason for it.  I wonder if there was a shifting from moving toward your dream, like focusing on your belly breaths, to focusing on real life and following societal expectations like when you got lost in thoughts in your mind.   It can be hard to come back to your gut, back to the original ideas you had as a creative child or a budding invincible teenager or even as a college student with the whole world in front of you.  Somewhere along the way, you may have lost not just a dream or two - but the actual desire and permission to dream.  It is very common for life (the good and bad parts of life) to get in the way of dreaming at all. 

I invite you to shift from your attention on your Dream back to your belly rising and falling with the rhythm of your breath.  Take a few more moments to come back into your body and remember your present state of being in your diaphragm.

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Coming back into the room now. Hear the sounds around you.

I invite you to take a few more moments after this meditation to sit and contemplate some dreams you maybe gave up on or haven’t considered in a while.  Ask yourself some questions about your dreams and see if there is something an old dream wants to share with you.  Maybe see if there is a dream that’s still within your grasp.  You could start turning it into in a goal now using your current healing, resources, finances, adulthood, strength, energy, and time. Maybe you’ll be able to resurrect that old dream.  If it wasn’t possible at an earlier stage of your life, it may be now in this state of your trauma healing journey. 

If this has been a difficult meditation for you, I welcome you to speak with your trauma coach or therapist about what bubbled up for you today.  This week we will focus on wounds of childhood and how its very normal for trauma to squelch youthful dreams and suppress juvenile creativity.  If you care to share with someone what came up in your soul today, I’d love to hear from you.  In the show notes, there’s a link to my website.  Click on the “Connect” tab and feel free to send me a message. 

Be kind to yourself as you return to your day. Let’s take on more deep breath and open our eyes slowly.